


Burn It All Down

by Lisbon (curseofbunny)



Series: Owari Magica [114]
Category: Owari Magica
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:27:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25119874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curseofbunny/pseuds/Lisbon
Summary: She's not having a great time
Series: Owari Magica [114]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815574
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> She's not having a great time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bun: 2249 words at 1125 +1100 +150 = 2375pts  
> Luna: 1443 words  
> Beetle: 1180 words at 590 +550 = 1140pts

Belladonna is standing in Fawn's living room when Fawn sits down on the floor in her room.

The other girl's shirt, and Aeron's blazer, helped her not to feel so cold. She'd lost her shawl somewhere, and she thinks she left the parasol on the beach. It didn't make it easier.

Midge was dead.

The familiar ache was worse now. It was like Midge had just left, had promised she'd be right back then left a crater. How could she function with half her heart missing? She had lain in bed for weeks to no avail, and when she finally managed to drag herself out she didn't function normally for months.

It had been obvious to anyone who had seen her. Why she wasn't okay. Midge wasn't there.

No one knew Midge anymore.

The tears are spilling down her cheeks again.

Her room was full of Midge.

Her favorite music. Her favorite telephone. Her favorite shoes, kept neat and tidy with Fawn's. Her books on the shelf. Her backpack. Her purse. Her clothes.

Her clothes.

Everything in here was Midge's. Where the hell was Fawn?

Right.

She had been something of Midge's too.

She's dully aware of the door to the apartment shutting as she grabs the scissors.

She starts with the poodle skirts. The hostess dress. She avoids the petticoats- those had all been purchased, after all- and grabs the blouses. Ripping. Tearing. Hacking. It's not enough.

It's not enough.

She's exhausted. This isn't fair. Why did Midge do this to her?

She grabs a bundle of fabric, all ripped and torn, and stumbles into the living room.

The fireplace wasn't always on this time of year, but it was tonight.

She drops it on the fire. Her fingers get singed, and she doesn't even notice.

She sits in front of the flames, feeling the warmth on her face. The smoke doesn’t smell good, more like… like chemicals. That is what clothing was treated with, detergents and perfumes, to make them more appealing. To make her feel better and more whole.

She wasn’t whole. She wouldn’t ever be, without Midge.

Fawn holds a hand above the flames, feeling the heat on her palms.

It still hurts, atleast.

She snatches her hand back when a flame actually catches it, but the heat doesn’t follow. She just scowls and stands back up, bare feet thumping against the carpet with purpose.

She grabs more clothes. Ripping. Tearing. Biting when she had both hands full. She carried them, armful by armful, load by load, to the fireplace. Waiting until the last had burned up into ash, and then starting the next.

She was very tired of feeling weighed down. Of drowning in Midge. Of curling up on her bed and staring at the telephone to make sure the girl wouldn’t call.

It was something only she could do- she could call that telephone from her magi form. The vintage one wasn’t hooked up to anything, but still, Midge would call her on it and make her heart feel less uneasy.

It hadn’t rang in a long time.

Fawn fell to her knees.

Her cheeks stung from how badly she was crying.

She had scratched her knees and knuckles already, and the blood smeared across her hair as she grabbed a chunk of it.

“I was everything you wanted me to be.” She whispered.

“So why the fuck did you leave?”

She closed the scissors around it.

Snip.

Snip.

Snip.

Snip.

Snip.

All her anger.

All her pain.

All her distrust.

All her disgust.

Every self pitying piece of her.

Snip. Snip. Snip.

Her head felt a lot lighter now. She was less empty, but it was alright.

Intentional.

Her cheeks were soaked.

She wasn’t even sure how she looked.

Midge had never seen her like this before. No one had.

Fawn stumbled up, the scissors tumbling from her grip.

Her room was trashed. Petticoats and purchased items were the only things still hanging up on the shelves, an old hoodie of her mother’s spread out on her bed. Heels knocked over in her hassle, tulle and cotton strips haphazardly on the floor. It looked like one of her and Midge’s sewing parties, but with the notable lack of creation. Just the discord of destruction.

Fawn stumbled to her brother’s room. He was sitting on his bed, one hand on a bottle of beer and the other on his phone.

“You… okay?” He whispers.

She nodded at his closet. “Can I borrow a shirt? I need something warm.”

He grabbed an old one from when he had his punk phase in college.

It fit perfectly.

She ruffled his hair.

“I’m… I’m fine. I’ll be back in a few hours.” She offered him a smile.

She put on a pair of slippers and grabbed her wallet as she went for a walk, sending just one text.

_Where do you live?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> takes place right after the last part ^^

Fawn hugged herself closer as she peered at her phone, double checking the address before her phone died. Yep, she was here. She looked up and knocked slowly.

Carlos checked the peephole, and then opens the door with a worried frown.  
"Fawn? Is that... you?" She looks... nothing like he expected her to.

She nodded. "The one and only." Her hair was definitely uneven, longer on one side than the other. She hadn't caught a mirror yet. "You look the same."

"I try to." He admits. He motions her inside.  
"C'mon, what's up, what do you need, my violinist?"

She passed him a box of hairdye. "Help. I can't do it myself, and Glenn looked too spooked when I went into his room. So... Help me?"

He glances down at the box, and laughs quietly.  
"Did you spot my roots, chica? How'd you guess I'd know how to dye hair?" He asks, turning towards the bathroom to begin doing as she asks.  
"What happened? You... you're a mess."

Fawn blinked in surprise. "Roots? Wait- you dye your hair?" She ducked after him. "No, I had no clue. I... found Midge." Her voice felt very small and raw.

"I do. Mi Papá felt it important I do it to keep a low profile. Better not to draw undue attention. I keep it up now because it looks nice, doesn't it?" He waves at his head, with a smile. And then lets it fall.  
"Midge... the magi you were tied to?"

"Low... profile? What color was it?" She peered up at it, then shook her head. "Midge was my best friend. Her witch kidnapped me after the party."

Carlos winced.  
"I'm sorry. My hair's a bright green, a really pale color. Very eye-catching, Papá always thought it would mean I'd be important, or die young, or something, and tried to hide it."

She couldn't help but nod. "You know, that's fair. Fuck it." Fawn shook her head. "I think your dad was onto something."

"Maybe he was. I... didn't much believe it, but I liked the black. Made me look more like mi Mamá, and like those boy bands I was starting to have crushes on when I was a little older. And... well. I haven't wanted for a change." He puts the box down, and opens his medicine cabinet to pull out a pair of rubber gloves.  
"You've washed and conditioned your hair right? Or do you not care too much about damage right now?"

Fawn giggled, but the sound was foreign to her by now. "I... i haven't had a shower in a few days. Not exactly any showers in a bird cage."

"Wanna do that real quick then, chica? I can get this all prepared in the kitchen, or we could wash your hair in the sink here, with a pitcher and some conditioner? Or we can just dive in and hope it comes out even, if we're feeling dangerous. Just throw an old towel around your shoulders to protect your clothes and have at?"

"Pitcher?" She voted. "Its... the clothes aren't important. They're old, Glenn doesn't care about them."

Carlos hums, bending down to pull his water pitcher from beneath the sink. He keeps it there because it didn't fit under the kitchen sink, but it's come in handy for getting sand off, when needed, and will now be useful for Fawn's hair. He pulls a towel off from the wall, holding it out for Fawn anyway.  
"Here, you don't want to have to walk around in something wet, even if you don't mind getting dye on it."

She shrugged, shifting things around until she was ready. "I'm not... bothering you, by asking this, am I?"

"Of course not. I'm happy to help." He fills the pitcher with water, and pauses.  
"Might be smart to drag a chair or a stool in, so you can sit while I was your hair. Unless you don't mind perching on the counter?"

She hopped onto the counter. "It shouldn't be too bad..." she hummed, closing her eyes.

Carlos made sure the towel was secure, and the water was a comfortable temperature, before pouring some over her head and then grabbing his own shampoo to begin the process.  
A quick lather, a rinse, and then he'd start the actual dyeing.

Fawn let herself not think as it was happening. She couldn't even remember the last time someone had washed her hair for her... or had it been Midge? She didn't let herself think about that.

Once her hair was clean, he pulled out a jar of vaseline.  
"There's a clean comb behind you on the counter. When you're done making sure you don't have any tangles, put a bit of this all around your hairline, including behind your ears. It makes it easier to wash off dye that's gotten on your skin." He taps the vaseline, and then begins preparing the dye in his usual bowl.

Fawn took her time combing it out. She did also wince as she realized.. just how uneven it was. "After it's colored, can you help me even if out? I was staring at a rotary phone when I cut it." She admitted quietly.

"Of course. I have some hair scissors in here somewhere, I'll find them when you're drying." He mixes the ingredients together, and pulls out a couple of plastic hair clips.  
"I usually just use one, but you've still got a bit more hair than I do. separate your hair into 4 sections, and I'll make sure there aren't any missed spots." He dips his glove-clad fingers into the goop, waiting for Fawn to finish doing what he asked.

Fawn complied, going for sectioning into bangs/left/right/bottom. When she was done, she took a deep breath. "Alright... I'm ready."

Carlos starts with the back, feeling for her roots with his clean hand before adding the dye aboooooouuut an inch away from them with the other hand, stroking the dye through her hair with his fingers after applying it. He'd work it closer to the roots as he works the color in, careful not to get too much dye on or near Fawn's skin.  
"Let me know if you need anything."

Fawn hummed in response, simply relaxing. "I think... I'm good?"

Carlos goes through with dyeing her hair, setting it up to soak in and then be rinsed out later on.  
"Great."

Fawn keeps her eyes closed through everything- the roots, the rinsing, the drying, the patting down, even the blow-dry. Then she opens her eyes and blinks away the dark spots.  
"Is... is that..." She pushes the now-dark-purple lock of hair out of her face. "Is this real?"

"Yeah. You might notice your water turning purple for a wash or two after this as well, don't worry. It won't actually wash out." He smiles.  
"Do you like it?"

Fawn turned her head to the side, watching it shift in front of her. She'd dyed it before, but never... never like this. "I don't look... like me."

Carlos frowned a little.  
"Is that... a bad thing?"

"I don't think so." Fawn shook her head. "It looks... right."

"Then... I'm glad I could help."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fawn and salem have a talk!!!

For the first time in years... Fawn's neck was cold. It was an odd thing to notice, but as she rubbed the back of her neck.... It was inarguable. It was sore. She sighed to herself and texted Salem to know she'd reached the Sanctuary. Things were a lot easier when she was wearing sandals, old jean shorts, and Glenn's ancient Grace Tokyo tshirt tucked in. She... looked ridiculous. But it was an acceptable ridiculous.

Salem had walked into the sanctuary that morning to see a box with a note to her. She had been extremely confused then worried when she saw the red diamond on it.   
'Salem yeah yeah what ever we hate each other. This box its for Fawn. I didn't think I was the best person to give it to her. Its Midge's grief seed. I'm pretty sure due to Midge's wish Fawn will need this to help feel normal. Its been used and its sealed properly. Hell even made it a little fancy for her. Just give it to her.  
-Belladona'  
Salem had opened the box anyways to make sure the vet hadn't lied to her. And sure enough there was the grief seed in a glass domed case. "Shit she really went all out." She shook her head and put it back. Maybe today after talking it would be best to go over the theory of magic and enchantments. Neither of them could do it but it was important to understand for creating the objects to enchant. She had been spending an hour collecting what she needed for teaching Fawn when she got the text from the girl. Taking a deep breath in she braced herself. She hadn't seen Fawn since the pride party and at first she thought it cause of school till she remembered that school had been over for a few weeks. Shaking her head to clear it she walked over and opened the door. "Hey Faw-" She couldn't even finish her name when her eyes landed on the new hair. "Short hair looks really good on you." She complimented not sure on the colour but what ever. If she needed a huge change to feel better then so be it. She stepped aside to let Fawn in.

Fawn tugged on a piece of hair as she stepped inside. "It... was a night." She laughed awkwardly. "How are you doing today?" She looked up at the girl. "Better weekend than I had, I bet?" She didn't feel like getting into everything... everything. Not yet.

Salem walked in and looked at the two boxes and then back at Fawn. "Yeah it was okay." She thought things over. How would she branch this topic. Was it better to get it out of the way first? Fuck it. Might as well. She wasn't even sure if Fawn wanted to stay anymore. "Percy told me what happened." She started off softly. "I know losing someone is hard and knowing what really happened can make it worse."

Fawn nodded. "It... It's easier now." She admitted slowly. "Not to worry, or wait on her. I feel like I can actually move on." She was still having trouble with her words on the matter. "And I got rid of everything that reminded me of her, even the old me. So... how does it go, meet Fawn 2.0?" She joked, kicking a foot out. "I haven't worn shorts in forever."

Salem smiled a bit but her gut was turning. "Yeah you look great. Well then I must say welcome to the 2.0 club with short hair." She puffed up her hair a bit. "I have a few things for you. Um... wanna start with the good one or the not so good one?" She realized she phrased that terribly but how else could she say it.

"Not good one?" Fawn offered. It was easier to get the hell out of the way first. She nodded. "And... short hair works a lot better. I think we look pretty good!"

Salem nodded and gestured for Fawn to sit down. She grabbed the two boxes and walked over and sat down the larger one in front of Fawn. "I well really we, Belladona and I," She really didn't like that but she had to agree with Belladona's thoughts on this one. "think this could help you in the long run." She sat down and waited for Fawn to open the box. Fuck this was hard.

Fawn leaned forwards and felt her breath hitch as she opened the top. She pulled it out and looked it over. It... made her feel better. "Is... is this..."

Salem nodded. "It's the grief seed from Midge. It contains a few bits of her soul." She explained. "Due to her wish. We were thinking that having this near you could help you. It's clear that the connection that was made is still there somewhat." She went silent and waited to see what Fawn would do or say.

Fawn stared at it, petting one finger down the glass. She didn't know what she was looking for, but as she peered closer, some part of her found it. She hugged the dome closer to her chest, fitting her chin over the top. "Who... helped with this?" She mumbled at the older girl.

"Belladona created the case. It will keep her witch from reactivating." Salem was quite. "Really Belladona did all the hard work she just left it here for me to give you." She fully explained.

"So... should I thank her in person? Or do you... do you think she gets it?"

"To be honest I don't know. I'm not on great terms with her." Salem said rubbing the back of her neck. "Maybe talk to her. I know making a case uses quite a bit of magic." She muttered the last part.

Fawn nodded. "I'm... I'm grateful. I'll talk to her." She nodded, then reluctantly set it back down. "What's the second?"

Salem pushed the other box closer. "It been ready for you for a while but then... Von died." Her voice trailed off.

Fawn traced the rim of the box, looking up at her. "Did she make it?"

"We made it together. I gathered the supplies and made it look nice in the end. Von enchanted it." Salem explained.

Fawn nodded. "Thank you." She offered the older girl a smile even before opening it. And then... all her distress about her place melted away. "Is... is this?"

"It's your own key to the sanctuary." Salem confirmed. "Not only will it let you in it will glow like a soul gem when a witch is near by and protect you from weak witches." She explained. "Also the green will fade in time to match your own magic." She added and lifted up her own key that now had purple in the middle gem thing.

"My... my own magic?" Fawn looked between the key and Salem. "What does that mean? I thought I would only have magic if I made a contract?"

"You and I have a bit of magic due to us being the receiver of wishes. Its nothing strong enough todo anything with but we have it." Salem explained. "Actually I was hoping to teach you the theory of magic today. Knowing how magic works helps with creating things to be enchanted."

Fawn blinked in surprise. "Theory of magic. Which... helps the me having magic thing." She couldn't help but smile. "So, let's get into it?"

Salem smiled. "Great!" She got up a grabbed another book from the counter. "This one you can also take home if you want." She held up the spiral bound notebook that look like it had been in many a witch battle. Sitting down she slid it over to Fawn. "Magic is energy that is created by the soul. Everyone has a soul but only those that make or a part of a contract can create magic. Mages have the strongest magic well fighters have the weakest. Those that reach vet status can also use strong magic outside of battle like mages. At that point class no longer maters." She paused for a moment thinking over the right words. "Now magic needs to bond with something to make a longer impact to the world around us. In other terms enchantments. There are three types of enchantments. One to enchant something that is not enhanced, like rope or metal. This kind uses the most magic due to the object being in what we call the raw state and these are basic at best. Two to enchant on something enhanced. Enhanced means the object has been mixed with things that can enhance magic. In other words a magical catalysts and battery. These things take less magic and can do a lot more." She held up her key. "Our keys are this kind of enchantment. Lastly there are self enchantments. This is new to me. Basically from what I've seen its a spell that effects your body till you stop using it. Belladona showed me this type. Then if we want to be really technical there is a fourth type. The wish by product. This magic doesn't drain the soul like other magic does. It is kicked off by the incubators and then is able to stay constant till either the magi or the recipient dies." She took a pause to see if Fawn had any questions.

Fawn's head was spinning from the sheer amount of information. Magic... energy, no fighters, veterans were better at it. Rope and chains were basic. Enhanced... like their keys. Self enchantments, which she didn't understand in the slightest, and wish magic.  
"So, for that last one, that has nothing to do with us, right? Like, Midge's wish that I stay close to her, or Aeron's wish to have fabric magic, that's going to stick around... but it's not something we can use. So we don't really count that, right?"

Salem nodded. "Yes. The magic in us can't be used to enchant. Its passive mostly. Mine activates when ever I want-" She stuck her hand in her pocket and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. "-money. Once again it depends on the wish. I'm not sure what would happen if someone wished for someone else to have magic similar to what magi can do. But yeah. I know it's a lot. Magic doesn't work exactly how you want it to and its different for every person. Von's magic was showy well Ophelia's is more aura looking. So all that works differently to enchantments to. Understanding the basics is important for us and magi. It might help to watch a magi enchant something. Belladona will be teaching Ophelia how to so maybe they can come here and you can see what happens." She added on the last bit a little more hesitantly. It was true seeing magic work helped understand it but that also just meant Belladona.

Fawn nodded slowly. "Will... will they mind my being there? I don't want to get in the way..." she scratched her chin awkwardly.  
The last thing she wanted was to cause more trouble.

"They shouldn't have a problem. If Belladona does well she wont pick a fight with me when others are around." Salem smiled. "Really though its fine. It's not like we'll be in the way of anything." She tried to reassure her student. "You belong here as much as anyone does.

"When... others are around? Did you two get into a fight?" Fawn frowned and glanced her over.

"We really don't like each other and just don't get along. We can keep our heads cool when others are around." Salem explained. "We have bad history so its hard."

Fawn nodded. "That... doesn't mean I can't worry about you, though. She's a magi, I don't want you getting hurt."

"Thanks Fawn. But also Percy would kill her if she hurt me." Salem tried to reassure the girl. "Hell I have a feeling once he was done you would take a few swings at her." She laughed a bit.

Fawn snickered. "Can't... can't really argue there. Even if it wouldn't hurt her bad, it'd still feel good."

Salem laughed a bit. "Yeah. I wanted to shoot her for so long after she took Von's arm. Still kinda do to be honest."

"Hey, if that happens between you two, I won't tell anyone." Fawn shrugged. It did... feel better to have someone she could trust in the group. Someone who wouldn't leave her and become a magi.

Salem laughed a bit. "Thats good to hear. And just so you know I'm here if you ever need anything." She gave a sincere smile.

Fawn snuck into her space to steal a hug. "You too okay?"


	4. Chapter 4

Fawn had texted Aeron to meet her for some ice cream. She... kind of wanted to apologize. It'd been a bit since they saw each other, and when they last did... things were raw and she was angry and hurt. She'd asked for a break, and they'd respected that, and in all honesty, Fawn was... almost excited? She wanted to show them her new outfits. Albeit hastily thrifted, the baggy early-2000s Grace Tokyo t-shirt and shredded jeans were... they were comfortable. They felt like a new skin. And of course, the hair headaches were gone, replaced by a bob in a new color.  
She was perched on the edge of her seat, drumming her fingers on the table. Aeron…

Aeron had been startled, to get a text from Fawn, but part of them couldn't help but be excited to see her again. She was finally ready to talk again. They step into the icecream parlor with a little pep in their step, and scan the area for her.  
And she's not? There??? They don't see her gigantic pigtails or any other variation of big, blonde hair. Is she not here yet? Aeron was confused. They take a moment to order something, to give themself a chance to think and maybe figure out how to ask her where she is.

Fawn... wasn't sure if she was expecting them to recognize her or not. She swallowed and headed up to the counter, tugging on their sweater. "Aeron?"

Aeron blinked, and turned, glancing down. That's... Fawn's face, but not her hair. Okay. New outfit, too. Very punk, actually. They smile at her, just a smidge.  
"Hey. I like your hair."

Fawn leaned forwards and snaked her arms around their middle to steal a hug. Why... was this awkward? Why was her heart pounding in her chest? "Thank you. I... needed a change."

"Looks good. Change is... good?" They offer, a little confused. They pat her back, and take the cone being presented to them, now that it's finished. Simple Vanilla with chocolate sprinkles, they were feeling... nostalgic. They lean over to nuzzle her hair lightly, before glancing around to try and figure out where she'd come from.  
"Did you want to talk?"

She nodded. "I got a banana split- over by the back." She offered. "How... are you doing?"

"...eh. Buck came to town right after... everything." They mumble, not really wanting to go into specifics. They'd worked through this once, they don't want to keep rethinking over what seeing that stupid deer had done to their heart.

Fawn's face started to fall. Buck... "Is... is he okay? I'm- that's..."

"He's dead. Was when he got here, it's. It happens." They glance away, and take a bite of their icecream.  
"What about you? New outfit, I don't think I've seen any of that one before."

Fawn's face fell. She... had been psyching herself up to hear that maybe, maybe Buck was okay. "Oh."

Aeron bit their lip.  
"I. I'm sorry, I shouldn't snap. I... sorry."

Fawn shook her head. "It's fine, I was just... thinking. I'm... I guess that leaves us in a weird place. Life after them." She leaned onto the table and grabbed a spoonful of her ice cream. She leaves behind a violet lipstick mark on her spoon.

"Yeah." Aeron nudged her ankle.  
"What about you? What's new, aside from the hair?"

Fawn kicked her feet a bit under the table. "Um... Glenn confiscated the matches, scissors, knives and stuff. I freaked him out really bad, and he's... been making a lot of homemade food and keeping an eye on me. And the hair was... I chopped it off myself, but I got one of the teacher's help to dye it. He... knew about magi. The teacher who went to the pride thing at the beach?" She offered tentatively, knowing that they wouldn't recognize him by name. "I showed up at his house and dyed my hair and he tried to make sure I didn't internalize any.... blame from the Midge stuff."

Aeron hummed.  
"That guy, right. I think I met a magi whi talks to him a lot, she tried to recommend I do." They don't particularly want to.  
"Why did Glenn take the matches? Knives and Scissors I get, but..."

"I... had a breakdown?" Fawn poked her melting icecream with her spoon. "I... burned most of my clothes."

"You... what?" Aeron sat up a little straighter, staring at her.  
"You did what?"

"It was impulsive. And I hurt my hands and my knees," she couldn't look up at them, eyes trained on her still cut-and-singed knuckles under bandaged wraps. "But... I felt like I was drowning. It was like she was still there, like she was in everything. Because... I didn't make it for me. I made it all for her."

"So you just got rid of it all?" Aeron couldn't tell you what their voice was doing. Their head was kinda screaming.

"I wasn't thinking. One minute I was- I was raw and drowning, then the next I was shredding fabric and burning my hands on it. And then I cut off my hair. And then I dyed it, and Glenn took me to a thrift store so I could get something temporary, and... yeah."

"So you just... threw all of that away? Destroyed it, actually." Aeron's head is still screaming. Their face falls into a sneer.  
"If it's okay for you to throw all of that away... why don't I do the same?" They stand up.  
"I think I need some space."

Fawn looked up. "Wait- what's going on?"

"Goodbye. I'll talk to you again when I'm up to it, maybe." They sneer again, and head towards the door. They drop their mostly uneaten icecream in the trashcan as they pass.

Fawn is stunned. She ends up sitting there an embarrassingly long time, staring at the place they'd left. It... was just like when midge left.  
The only difference was that the whole in her heart was only her fault this time.  
If she cries in the ice cream parlor, that's between her and the banana split.


End file.
